what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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