I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
