you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
