my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
