You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
