im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
