My room smells like vodka and shame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
