3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
