Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
