summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
