you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
