I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
