If that was your dad, he is hot
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
