Don't you send me to vm
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
