but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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