No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
