Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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