glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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