i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
