I have demons in me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
