I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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