Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize