It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
