Can Purell be used as lube?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
