Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
