you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my shit smells like andre
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
