I puked a lego.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We got so high we made milksteak
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
