We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
