grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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