Got a toothbrush?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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