Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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