Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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