OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
