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• (312): View more from Illinois

  i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i was like PREG?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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• (941): View more from Florida

  still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Is he smart?

  (1-952): View more from Minnesota

  Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.

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• (441): View more from Bermuda-Carib

  You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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• (19): View more from

  Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW

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• (518): View more from New York

  Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  My hands smell like vagina and ham.

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