i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
