So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
