Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
