Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
