in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
