Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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