that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
