and you said cock pushups were impossible
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
