Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
