I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
