He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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