Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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