Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
