i think my tv is drunk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
