my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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