dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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