My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
