how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
