The maid of honor just puked.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
