the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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