She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need water and some morals
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
