Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
