I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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