In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
