when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
