idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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