Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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