it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize