We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
