he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
