I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
