i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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