Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just tell him i said nine months
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
