well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
