Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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