Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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