Dual....:-)
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
