Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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