You're so nebulous sometimes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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