So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
