sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize