I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
