Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
