I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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